WARNING: Warnings Can Be Dangerous to Your Health

My poor mother must have been friends with the most pathetic humans who ever lived when she was a girl. I know this because as I was growing up, she was forever telling me about someone she had known who had severely injured himself running with scissors. Then she knew this girl who was killed when she opened her car door before the car had come to a full stop. Evidently, the poor child had fallen under the car. Although I'm not sure just how she managed to do that.
My mother knew someone who had gone deaf sticking a pencil in her ear, and another friend of hers had almost died from stuffing kernels of corn up her nose. Then there was this friend of hers who had lost an eye just looking at a BB gun in a catalog. I’m surprised my mother lived long enough to be a mother.
The thing is, the world today is filled with mothers. Have you noticed how all the local news people never report news anymore? They just warn you about things…”Before you buy your school lunch today, stick around for our upcoming report.” “Is your cell phone giving you cancer? The answer to that when we come back.” And on and on and on.
Just today, I heard a news story that proclaimed hot dogs are dangerous. Hot dogs? Now of course we all know that the wiener is a loser as a health food. But do we really need someone telling us we shouldn’t eat hot dogs? The report went on to suggest that warning labels be put on packages of wieners. Huh?
And speaking of warning labels, look at this recent report, “Oversize clothes should have obesity helpline numbers sewn on them to try and reduce Britain's fat crisis, a leading professor said today. He also wants to see adviceline numbers attached to all clothes sold with waists above 102 cm for men, 94 cm for boys, 88 cm or size 16 for women and 80 cm for girls.”
This warning label thing could really get out of hand. For instance, what about tooth picks? Have you ever jabbed your gum with a sharp wooden pick? I have. Why wasn’t I warned that jabbing a pointed stick in my gum would hurt?
But, if tooth picks need a warning, what about dental floss. Every time I use it, my gums bleed. What sort of sadist would come up with something so sinister? That's a product just begging for a warning label.
And what about stairways? I almost tripped just going downstairs this morning. I think there should be a warning at the top of the stairs that said something like, “WARNING, failure to place your feet squarely on each landing can result in a serious tumble.”
And something else I think they should warn people about…trying to dry their hair with an electric hair dryer while lying in the tub. Who would ever imagine that could be dangerous?
I think you get the point. We’ve become so “mothered” that if someone doesn’t warn us, we automatically blame somebody/anybody for whatever happens to us. Common sense is no longer needed, as long as someone is there to tell us to “be careful.” We’re becoming a nation of sheep…very scared sheep.
Isn't it time some government agency was formed to warn us about warnings?