ADVICE YOU CAN'T BEAT

You know who I really feel sorry for? It’s that Chris Brown guy. You know, that singer from Tappahannock, who got a little carried away and beat his girlfriend, Rihanna, to a bloody pulp. Hey, things happen.
This poor guy has had to face the public humiliation of being accused of being a girl-friend beater. But, as if to pour salt in that wound, over-zealous prosecutors actually dared charge him with girl-friend beating, or whatever technical term they trumped up to get him. Is this a racial thing? I’m not saying, but you do have to wonder.
Recently Brown went to great efforts and, no doubt, at tremendous personal expense, to videotape a two minute apology. That’s 120 seconds of his life that he’ll never get back. He said he was really sorry. He said he would try and never do it again. He explained that he had witnessed domestic violence in his home growing up.
And, yet, despite all that this noble young man has done, the California court system has placed him on five-years supervised probation with quarterly California court visits. The audacity! Do you realize what this means? For the next five years, Brown will be virtually unable to beat up any of the lady-folks. And, besides that, he has to do six months of community service here in Virginia. I sure hope, if there is any justice left in this old world, that he gets two minutes of credit for that heart wrenching apology tape he did.
But wait! There’s more! Now, you’re probably thinking, hasn’t this young man suffered enough. Apparently not. Because, in a recent column in a Los Angeles newspaper, it has been suggested that this one little savaging of a young woman could hurt any chances Brown might have of EVER winning a Grammy. Unbelievable.
They don’t give Grammies for not beating women up do they? I think not. You win a Grammy for talent and for talent alone. I say if Bill Clinton can keep being president, Chris Brown should win a Grammy. In fact, I think they should just give him one as a gesture from the people who give Grammies, to say, “Hey, we feel your pain. Oh yeah, we feel what’s her name’s pain too, but we feel yours.”
I think Americans are a forgiving people. I mean look how so many rallied around O.J. following his little run-in with his wife. So, here’s my idea. I think it’s an idea that will garner Brown a much-deserved Grammy. My suggestion is that he take his apology, put it to music, and sell it. He could make bazillions. Shoot, I’d even buy that CD myself. And when it came Grammy-winning time, why there wouldn’t be a dry eye in the house as Brown humbly thanked everyone, especially Rihanna, for all they did to get him to that point in life.
You know, sitting here reading this, I can’t help but be impressed with how hip I can be, even in advancing old age. Call me a problem solver if you will. Will you? And, if you have any issues that are making your life miserable, hit me up. That’s what I’m here for.