I CARE, THEREFORE I AM

People are forever approaching me and, in an effort to get to know me better, they ask, "Steve are you totally self-absorbed?" I have to tell you, I appreciate that sort of interest.

But, to answer the question, I'm not really sure what that means. If they're asking am I involved in efforts to help improve the quality of life for others, the answer is a resounding, "YES!"

I am, from what I've learned watching Star Trek, an empath. I deeply feel the pain of others. And I'm here to tell you that I am constantly meeting individuals who must have much pain because of severe emotional disorders. I'm no podiatrist, but I understand mental and emotional disorders. Today, I will address just three severe disorders that plague many of my friends and acquaintances.

First, and it's a new breed, are the fist shakers. I don't know how this got started, especially among old white guys who think they're cool, but have you ever tried to shake hands with such an aforementioned person and he holds his fist up. I guess the "cool" thing is for my fist to bump up to his fist. I don't get it. What's so cool about that.

Just the other day, I gave this guy some good news (about me, of course) and he says, "Alright!" He then puts his hand out and I reach out to shake it. But what happened is I grasped his fist. Since I'm the type that belives in the "When in Rome..." approach, I then made a fist. He was also a "When in Rome..." sort of guy, so he ended up wrapping his hand around my fist. It would have been pretty embarrassing had I not immediately realized that the poor guy had an emotional disorder. I walked away wiping a tear from my eyes. Remember, I'm an empath.

The second disorder is especially pervasive among young retail clerks. I call it the, "I can't say 'You're welcome'" disorder. You've probably seen it yourself. You purchase something at the store, and as you conclude, you politely say, "Thank you."

Now, in the old days, the clerk would have said, "You're welcome." But because this disorder has become so pervasive, the clerk will inevitibly say, "No problem."

No problem? Of course it's no problem. You're a clerk. I'm a customer. I hand you the item. You ring it up. You tell me how much. I pay it. You put it in a bag. I leave you to get back to examining the infections from your facial piercings. I don't see any problems with that. In fact, if I thought it would have been a problem, I wouldn't have gone in the store in the first place.

The third disorder is very sad. It's also very annoying. It's the God-blesser syndrome. If you've ever worked in an office, you've no doubt encountered someone who suffers from this. Some offices have three or four sufferers.

Someone sneezes and, the God-Blesser, who, I'm guessing, has a variation of Turrets Syndrome, is compelled to say, "God bless you." Why? Is sneezing such a sin that this "office priest" must bless the sneezer?

No, there's no valid reason for such a reaction. And it truly is an obsessive, compulsive thing because if one should sneeze two, three, or more times, the "god-blesser" god-blesses every single time.

Some poor souls suffer to such a degree that they're in tune to a sneeze anywhere in the building. I worked with one woman who'd get on the elevator and go up three floors to bless a sneezer. It's very distracting. In fact, if I know I'm going to have a sneezy day, I'll stay home from work.

I personally witnessed an encounter one day recently that highlighted the severity of the disorder. Here's how it went, and I'm hardly making this up:

Betty: Oh, it's so sad. Jim's doctor found a tumor and he doesn't know if it's malignant and I'm so (Betty sneezes)...

Sue: God bless you.

Betty: Oh, gee, thanks. Anyway his (Betty sneezes again)

Sue: Ha Ha God bless you again

Betty: Hee Hee, thank you. I must be allergic to something. I can't stop (Betty sneezes)

Sue: God bless you once more. Ha Ha Ha Ha

Betty: Hee Hee Hee Hee. Oh my. Now, what were we talking about. Hmm. It must not have been that important.

Sue: I think you were saying you had allergies.

I couldn't make this stuff up. Well, actually I could. But I didn't...much.

Anyway, I hope you've gotten the point. I care about the crazy people out there. I want to help them. So, am I self-absorbed? If that means being a truly, caring person, an empath, if you will, then my reply will have to be, "Guilty as charged."